Are You Trying to Rob Your Kids?

This month’s focus at NFI is “Dad Cents,” and our plan is to give dads sound advice about ways that dads can improve their kids’ financial literacy.

Since I worked in banking, this area is near and dear to my heart. Indeed, I often use financial lingo when I am discussing fatherhood principles. For example, I talk about how important it is to “invest” in your child’s life and how critical it is for dads to make regular, substantial, and consistent “deposits” in their children’s relationship “bank accounts.” After all, chances are that one day – like when a daughter wants to date a junior member of the Hell’s Angels or a son wants to tattoo the name of his most recent girlfriend across his forehead – you may have to make a huge withdrawal. Frankly, if you have not made these deposits, the conversation could sound something like this…

(Scene—You rush into the lobby of the 'First National Bank of Your 15-year-old Daughter’s Heart' and quickly approach her window.)

Your Daughter: Good afternoon. How may I help you?

You: Hi. I need make a big withdrawal fast!

Your Daughter: Ok, sir. No problem. Could you please let me see some ID?

You: Sure.

(You hand her a copy of her birth certificate where you are listed as “Father.”)

Your Daughter: Everything looks in order, Dad. Please wait just a minute while I check your account.

(She turns away from you but then gets a strange look on her face.)

You: Is there a problem?

Your Daughter: Yes, sort of. I clearly see that you opened an account here a long time ago, but it doesn’t appear to have a sufficient balance for you to make a big withdrawal. When was the last time that you made a deposit?

You: Well, I don’t remember. I guess it’s been a while. You know, I have been very busy working and stuff like that. But, my wife has been making lots of deposits. Seems like every time I turn around she is heading here. Since we are married, can’t I just make a withdrawal from her account?

Your Daughter: Dad, no you can’t because we don’t offer joint accounts here.

You: Oh yeah…That’s right…I remember hearing that. What about a loan? Can I get one of those?

Your Daughter: I’m sorry…We don’t offer loans either. You can only withdraw what you have deposited.

(You start to get a bit upset…)

You: Well that just doesn’t seem fair! I clearly have an account. And, well, I need to make a withdrawal. Can’t you make an exception? After all, I am DAD.

Your Daughter: Dad. I am sorry. I just can’t help you...

(You are becoming more upset…)

You: Well, doggone it, I am not going to take no for answer.

(Your daughter gets a concerned and stern look on her face and you can see her reaching under the counter to push the button for security.)

Your Daughter: As I said, I can’t help you. You knew the rules when you opened the account. How can you expect to withdraw funds that you didn’t deposit? That’s just not the way it works here. All you had to do was make consistent deposits. Even small ones would have been fine because “interest”—your interest—would have compounded these deposits substantially over time. Taking deposits that don’t belong to you is, well, robbery. So, I need to ask you to leave now. Or, do I need to call security?